By Jack January
The media might have you believe Santa’s Elves are happy workers who work eagerly to prepare for Christmas Eve. However, this could not be further from the truth. The elves are an oppressed people who are seemingly eternally enslaved to exploitation and pain.
The North Pole is not currently owned by any country and has no governing body to ensure laborers are subject to ethical labor laws. This allows “Old St. Nick” to work his elves to long hours and grant them dismal payment. The typical workweek for an elf in the North Pole is about 70 hours. It fluctuates season to season, however, only one elf in the past decade has had a work week under 50 hours. The harsh hours are not compensated by a comfortable wage. In fact, elves are paid 25 times less than a living wage.
Elves in the North Pole are not provided with housing as some may think. In fact, all real estate is controlled by Chringle Real Estate, which just so happens to be owned by Santa himself. The fact that this is the only real estate company in the North Pole gives Santa the ability to shoot prices through the roof. This leaves elves with mortgages so unbelievable, that this results in an average of 9.5 elves living in one of these 1,900 square ft two bed two bath homes.
We may want to think to ourselves that the North Pole is a great place filled with love, joy, and all things Christmas. However, there is a huge population of elves subject to a ruthless capitalist. We must not look the other way because of his good deeds. This year, instead of clothes or a phone or whatever it is you may want, ask for justice for the elves.