Ask Matt: Volume I

After the popularity of Josh O’Dell’s column “Dear Josh” last year, co-executive editor Matt Kuckelman is introducing a new advice column with the first volume of “Ask Matt.”

Is it true that all MIP’s are reported to the Dean’s office as they say? Because if that were true wouldn’t kids I know be getting in trouble? I know plenty of kids who have gotten MIP’s here at Rockhurst and have never once been approached or even spoken to about any knowledge the school has of the recent MIP they received. I think it’s all fake. Am I right?

Idk, probably just don’t get MIP’d.

How do I deal with the new phone policy?

Time and space, or something.

Dear Josh, what’s your college decision?

Firstly, this is “Ask Matt,” a less-entertaining ripoff of “Dear Josh.” Secondly, the email you had to read to submit this question clearly says Josh is going to Fordham.

Ok, so where does Flick’s meat come from? Because it tastes… off. I don’t know, it just has an odd aftertaste and the meat is a bit stiff. They all seem nice but you only see them cooking the non meat foods at breakfast. The meat is kept in the back. Every once in awhile a freshman goes missing too, they say they just left Rockhurst but I don’t know.. what are your thoughts, it’s a common practice in eastern Sweden to eat one of the fresh-men to serve for the year especially when hunting is scarce. Could this be happening here, your thoughts?

That orange chicken they served a while back was pretty good. Would it really matter if it was actually orange freshman?

How much is TOO much?

Moderation is for cowards.

What major gives the best opportunities out of college?

That really depends on what you want to do. I’d talk to the College Counseling Office if you have specific questions.

Why can’t we check our phones in the hallway? That has to be a joke.

Yup, notorious prankster Mr. Darby got us all again.

How did you become so cool?

Years of debate, Model UN, and newspaper will do that to a man.

I have to poop, thoughts?

The bathroom in the Barry Commons is my personal favorite. It’s spacious and clean, although awkward if you run into someone in there. Alternatives include the one nearest the labs on the third floor, and the one across from the entrance to the Faculty Studio on the second. While all Rockhurst bathrooms can get pretty crowded, it all comes down to timing. Know peak times, and how best to avoid them. Always have a backup plan. Remember that we’re all on the same team, and the 2017-2018 school year should be a breeze.

Are there drug tests at the school like for real? Because everyone is like it’s not real or it’s just to scare me, but ok I’m scared. What if I accidentally drink or something or accidentally take some drugs? Will they send me to jail or can I go home or something? Please help, mildly scared?

Either there are drug tests, or someone has a weird thing for hair. Regardless, probably just don’t do drugs.

I miss Josh


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