Dear Josh: Column #3

Rockhurst’s favorite solitary advice column returns once again. Due to the large number of submissions, some questions were set aside for Dear Josh: Vol 4. Enjoy!

Q: Why do white trucks pull out in front of red mustangs?

A: Reader, I am shocked and appalled by this heinous act. It infuriates me that even in 2016 our society is plagued by white elitists, even in the form of white trucks who think the rules of the road don’t apply to them. The ultimate irony, however, would have been if your car was named something ridiculous, like American Pharaoh.

Q: Dear Josh: What’s your opinion on dolphins? Personally i think they’re pretty cool.

A: Dear Reader, I would have to agree with you there, dolphins are pretty freakin’ dope. I personally believe that dolphins are just as intelligent as humans. The difference between our two species, however, is that dolphins are essentially good creatures and human beings are eternally and horrifically flawed.

Q: When will the administration stop wasting hundreds of dollars on drug tests that work half the time?

A: Probably when all of the students stop doing drugs.

Q: Why can’t I wear a coat in the cafeteria?

A: Because when God made the world in 6 days, he didn’t intend for there to be full-zips.

Q: Why are all the alumnus of the year rich?

A: …It looks to me like you answered your own question.

Q: Will sitting during the national anthem help me end racism?

A: In an indirect way, yes. I think it will. Sitting during the national anthem is many people’s way of acknowledging that there is a problem in our country. Furthermore, I think that to place one’s country above their fellow humans is ridiculous. If our school were to deny people their right to sit during the pledge/anthem, they would be doing exactly that. And while they may be limiting an outward expression of dissent, the underlying tension would remain.

Q: Why would one sit during the Pledge of Allegiance in the morning?

A: Probably because the Pledge of Allegiance is creepy and sounds like a resounding lie to many Americans, and many students more particularly. Very few people ardently say the pledge every morning; from what I can tell it seems like more of a chore than anything. I like having it, though, since it gives some the opportunity to voice their opinion without instigating conflict necessarily.

Q: Why is the Prep News only online now? Nobody reads things unless you put it in front of them.

A: *begin shameless plug* Well the Prep News is also released in print form four times a year, in addition to the Quarterly magazine. We went online for a variety of reasons, all of which I have not necessarily been made aware of. I suggest you check out the rest of our online publication, it’s pretty dope. We have guest writers and cool little feature stories here. There are photo galleries and sports podcasts, too.

Q: Why do people keep sending email surveys to the entire student body?

A: Probably because that’s the only way to get a hold of the entire student body. It’s easy for an announcement to slip by. Plus, you responded to my survey despite being disgruntled with the entire system, which only proves to me that this is the best way to hear all of our students’ voices. Thanks for playing.

Q: Why are you such a biased writer? Why are you so bad at doing research for your articles?

A: Well if you think you can do better, the Prep News Online is always looking for guest-writers. If you’re a competitive spirit, I’ll gladly have a write-off with you and publish both pieces to be compared in the public eye.

Q: What color mechanical pencils are the best for passing finals?

A: Well unless the color of your mechanical pencil affects the number of notes you can roll up inside your pencil, virtually any will do. I will personally be using blue, though.

Q: My friend is addicted to eating cigarettes, how can I help him with this problem?

A: Patiently wait for his lungs to fill with tar.

Q: My friends and I were talking about dating and gender equality and got in an interesting debate about who pays for dates, including but not exclusively the first date. In the ‘age of equality’ it seems that women should pay half of everything, yet it still feels that men are obligated to pick up the bill. Is it a faux-pas to expect women to go Dutch?

A: Well if you’re an equal rights kind of guy then you may also subscribe to the age-old adage “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need.” I split bills with my girlfriend based on whoever got paid most recently and other such factors. If we’re both equally capable of paying the bill, I pay approximately ⅔. However, that’s definitely a conversation that needs to be had between you and your “friend.”

Q: What is your favorite pen?

A: At the end of last year I discovered the Pilot Precise V5, and ever since then I’ve never used another pen. It’s a liquid ink pen with zero shmear, which is rare enough in itself. Also, the V5 seems to veritably glide across the paper’s surface when I use it. Some people say they’re unreliable, but those people must not know how to use pens. When using the V5, you sacrifice your ability to write on a vertical surface, as the liquid ink won’t flow to the tip in that position. However, the pros far outweigh the cons. Additionally, the V5 doesn’t cost any more than a conventional gel pen. I got mine on Amazon because I’m a slut for online shopping.

Q: Do people not understand how the election works? We get it you don’t like Trump, how about instead of destroying stuff, people either give him a shot or work to create something positive, or just leave like so many promised they would. Disrupting people’s lives because you are not happy about who our leader is is not civil. You didn’t see people being disruptive or destructive even close to this level when Obama won twice in a row, People accepted it and lived with him and his policies that many disagreed with. And for people who are scared, remember the constitution is still a thing and he doesn’t have full 100% undisputed power…

A: I’ll start by addressing the differences between this election and Obama’s. When Obama was elected, nobody feared they would lose their rights. I know many people personally who feel real, genuine fear as to what Trump will do, and how they may be deprived of equal rights in this country. Second, in terms of Trump’s power, you’re right. The Constitution exists and Trump will not have 100% undisputed power… But it’ll be close. The President-elect has the backing of a republican Congress and what will soon be a republican Supreme Court. My personal opinion is that he won’t be able to deliver on all his campaign promises (which is the norm), but the fact that he could deliver on some is terrifying for many. In this time of distress I think it’s more important than ever to promote empathy and understanding, and to that end I agree that violent protest is not the course of action that anyone should be pursuing right now. However, also in that same vein, I understand that those violent protesters feel powerless. They can’t change the verdict, so they’re lashing out and trying to give themselves a voice.

Q: I have a pair of siiiick JNCO jeans with a dragon print on the front and back. While they are fantastic by themselves, how would I go about complementing their style in the rest of my outfit?

A: Honestly, dear Reader? These jeans need no accompaniment whatsoever. No shoes, no shirt and you’ll still get service, watch.

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